radiohemmings:

im gay for pay

actually im gay for free but if you want to pay me like im not gonna say no

mens-rights-activia:

dearmyblank:

Dear E,

This is the same G that wrote to E not that long ago on here asking him to give her a second chance, asking him to forget about what happened last year.

Well E, you’ve done that and I think what you’ve done to me is so much worse than me politely declining to go to coffee with you ONE time in first year of uni, because I was scared for you to my first anything. For someone to be my first everything.

And now, well.
The only reason I went out to the club on Tuesday was because I knew you would be there. I didn’t know how it would be after we last spoke in person which resulted in my crying and you saying you couldn’t risk your feelings being hurt again. This time it was mine that were hurt, so hurt my heart hurts so much I didn’t think it was possible. All the songs, all the quotes, all the movies, everything seems to make sense and now I understand why people get so caught up on love. Because sometimes it can really, really, really hurt.

You came right up to me, you hugged me and we danced and I don’t know what song was on, and I don’t remember who was around us, all I remember is you. You, you, you. And then you kissed me. And we kissed for the whole night. Then you whispered into my ear asking me to come back to yours, begging. I agreed of course I did. I agreed even though I knew how you felt about us, even though I knew you just wanted to keep us as we are, but what even are we or were we in the first place? Friends? Friends that kiss whenever they see each other? I don’t know. I know you said you didn’t want a relationship. Nothing serious, you’re away next year. I know.

But I wanted to believe so badly in that drunken haze of alcohol and lust that you wanted more than just my body in that moment. That you fully liked me again like last year. I wanted to believe so badly that you would give it a chance, so I went back to yours. I listened to your words of flattery and charm and I wanted to believe in them with every ounce of my being that you meant them.

Then we got back to yours and we did everything but ‘it’. You were too drunk. But in the morning, both of us sober, after JUST having the most in depth chat about us, and still getting nowhere, we did it. And it was good and it was perfect and I was with you, just how I pictured it. And after my feelings felt a million times more intensified but for you, it seemed the polar opposite.

But you knew it was my first time. You knew how much I liked you and you knew exactly what your were doing, and you did it anyway and I did because I wanted to believe that it would make us work.

And then you tell our friends that you ‘regret it’. And my heart sank to the bottom of my chest and my eyes filled with tears and my cheeks felt hot, and my throat felt so tight I couldn’t breathe and a big fat lump of complete and utter heart break engulfed me.

I feel like this time around I’ve tried to much to prove to you that I like you and I’m not going to back down this time, and I’m scared, I’m scared shitless and putting my heart out their and being honest with you is the scariest thing in the whole world, and I gave you that love and that trust, and that power to look after my heart and you’ve crushed it. It feels like you’ve stamped on it, sliced it into a million pieces. You know how insecure I am, and for me to give myself to you, fully, and then the next day for you to go and da that - I feel used, E.

So, so, so used.
I feel worthless, and not good enough, and confused.
I feel like there’s something wrong with me.
I don’t know what to do or what to feel towards you, I don’t know how to fix this.

Tell me how we fix this.
It’s not what fate intended, but it’s how it ended up, I hope someday you find some one to love.
And it hope it’s perfect and everything you wished for, but it feels like you can’t get it from me. And that kills me.

I cannot chance your perspective or you feelings. I cannot make you feel the way I feel, that has to come from you. There’s only so much I can do and so much I can give.

With a broken heart that is still yours,

G.